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Am I Normal Yet? by Holly Bourne Favorite Lines

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This post is a compilation of my favorite lines from Am I Normal Yet by Holly Bourne

Book Title: Am I Normal Yet?

Author: Holly Bourne

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“My heart started beating really quickly, but not in its usual trapped-insect way. In a new way. A good way.”

“I used to trust Jane… I used to trust my judgement. I used to trust my thoughts. Things change.”

“Why would I waste brain tissue thinking about you?”

“I had been. Clever, I suppose. Once. Now I had barely any qualifications to my name, and I’d ruled out almost A level subjects based on their potential to trigger a relapse.”

“Don’t even get me started on what existentialism does to my mind.”

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“I hadn’t meant to ditch on Lottie. I just…ditched life, and Lottie was part of that.”

“Films had been my savior over the past few years. I was able to lose myself in the stories and get caught up in the characters. For two hours at a time, I could forget all the whirring non-stipends of guy-twisting anxiety. I could merge myself into the lives of people capable of leaving the house, capable of having storylines.”

“Have you ever barricaded yourself into a room? Honestly, it’s the most definitive way of confirming that, yes, you have gone mental. And that confirmation unleashes the emotional landslide – where, suddenly, after fighting for so long, your brain gives up and erodes in on you, spiraling your thoughts into monsters who seize the city and tell you nothing is going to be okay ever again. That is your new life now. Fear, and pain, and confusion.”

“I’m in therapy for an anxiety-related disorder. EVERYTHING makes me uncomfortable.”

“What’s important to remember is you have these techniques now, to deal with these thoughts when you have them.”

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“Can’t I just never have bad thoughts? Can’t they just go away forever?”

“There were loads of MISINFORMATION and STIGMA and it was really terrible and everyone suffered in silence for ages, not knowing what was wrong, and not seeking help because they didn’t understand what their brain was doing to them and why.”

“People actually die of bipolar, you know? They jump in front of trains and tip down bottles of paracetamol and leave letters behind to their devastated families because their bullying brains just won’t let them be for five minutes and they can’t bear to live with that anymore.”

“Mental illness grabs you by the leg, screaming, and chow you down whole. They make you selfish. They make you irrational. They make you self-absorbed. They make you needy. They make you cancel plans last minute. The make you not very fun to spend time with. They make you exhausting to be near.”

“They should make a film about depression where it’s just one person, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling for an hour. Then it’d be authentic.”

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Do you ever wonder how we decide what’s mad and what isn’t? There’s so much crazy stuff in the world – everything’s a mess most of the time – but then people who can’t handle it are called mental and have films made about them… But what if they’re just reacting to the weirdness of the universe? Isn’t it more weird to just think everything’s okay, when it clearly isn’t?


What if he realizes within minutes that you’re a massive weirdo freak and runs out leaving you alone to fester in the germs?

I am supposed to be going on a date but all my clothes hate me.

Panic took over – stupid overwhelming panic, over a stupid underwhelming wardrobe crisis. My chest tightened and I flopped back to bed, focusing on my raggedy breathing.




YES (Well go do it. Then… Go on! And now you can stop worrying.)

NO (Then proceed to instruction number two.)



That’s the thing about anxiety. You can worry about anything and everything, dream up all sorts of weird and wonderful situations to be terrified of in the hope your fear will control the world somehow… and yet the world remains uncontrollable.

The disdain in his words was heartbreaking. The self-hatred. I knew it so well. You can’t help getting sick in your head, but, by golly, do you forget that. Daily. You despise yourself for being the way you are, like you’re doing it on purpose or something.

There’s nothing more comforting than someone who actually gets it. Really gets it. Because they’ve been through the same hell as you have and can verify you’ve not made it up.

I didn’t think you’d say yes if I asked you out. And then you did. And I was so happy, and then, so panicked, and I knew I would screw it up, and I have screwed it up. Who brings their parents on a date? Who? WHO?

I wanted to grab her face and yell, “I’m not a horrible person, I’m not. But I’m broken too and I’ve never been on the receiving end of this behavior before and I can’t handle it and I have to look after me first, before anyone else.

My heart practically panicked and ran out of my ribcage to claim asylum.

Why are you so scared? You’ve done it before. Nothing bad happened.

It’s such a torturous circle. I eat something, I start to worry I’ll get sick, this releases adrenaline which makes my stomach churn and my hands shake. That of course, makes me think I am actually sick, so I get more scared, and feel more sick. Over and over. Day after day. So much life lost.

My ribcage seemed to tighten, like it was squeezing my heart in on itself.

Guy leaned over and every hair on my body stood to attention.

I looked at him too, my heart thud-thudding. He was annoyingly good-looking in the autumn sun. It lit up all the concaves in his cheeks; it made his dark hair look almost golden rather than black.

You know what’s the best revenge, of course? Moving on with you life, and becoming absolutely famous so he can see what he’s missing.

His brain cells that are lying in a brain cell morgue somewhere, dead as dead can be.

I wasn’t trying to be puff pastry, I just sort of wanted to date someone and have a boy think I was half-decent and not mad. That’s normal, right?

I stopped laughing, my heart already racing.

I should’ve rung the emergency doctor person. I should’ve told my family. I didn’t even have to tell them in person, I could’ve left a note on the kitchen table.

Dear family,

It’s back. I’m not coping. Send help.


But I didn’t.

Irrational reasons I didn’t tell anyone

1. They were all so proud of me, of how I was doing.

2. Maybe it wasn’t “back”. I was still functioning. I was still going to college, seeing my friends, doing my coursework.

3. And it wasn’t like I was doing all the same things as before.

4. If it was back, I’d have to up my medication again. I’d failed. I’d always be on it. I’d never know who I was.

5. I f it was back then all the therapy hadn’t worked. If it was back I would always be like this. I would always have to fight every day, to stop myself slipping down the slope to Crazyville. Just the thought f that was exhausting. If it wasn’t back, then I was cured.

6. If it was back, my friends might find out. They might not want to be my friends any more.

You’re not fat, you idiot. Saying that is being really mean to actually-fat people.

Almost-kiss at the house party… followed by an all-out communication blackout.

Why did I like hearing his name so much?

My euphoria drained out of me, like a plug being pulled in the bath, and I sagged on the dance floor.

When I looked at Guy, it was like my brain was on a dimmer switch and the rest of the world was twisted down to mute.

Kissing Guy made up for every kiss I missed out on over the past three years.


Why did you think you could be normal? Why did you think you could have something good?

My eyelids blinked in overtime, working hard to repress the tears banging on the door.

I’d never been lost in any kind of moment before. I’d always noticed everything, my brain was always tick-rocking wherever I went, whatever I did. But then, there, I was drowning in the moment.

I needed to be normal and laugh with my friends and talk to people close to me without making them cry about how screwed up I am.

We’re kinder and more fragile. That’s our biology and we can’t help it.

Our need to be loved, fanciable, desirable, – whatever. It messes up our judgement.

It’s hard to realize unpleasant truths about ourselves. But it’s the first step towards making things better.

I’d failed at boring everyday existing that everyone else finds so easy.

I just wanted to have one shower in the morning, like everybody else. And go to college without it feeling like the world’s biggest effort, like everybody else. And brush my teeth twice a day, like everybody else. And get the train, like everybody else. And not feel sick with fear all the time, like everybody else. And relax occasionally, like everybody else. And have fun with my friends, like everybody else. And get kissed, like everybody else. And go on holiday, like everybody else. And get kissed, like everybody else. And fall in love, like everybody else. And not cry every day, like everybody else. And not have stiff muscles and be in constant pain from stress, like everybody else. And eat hamburgers with my hands like everybody else. And to…

My stupid brain! With its constant CONSTANT barrage of thoughts and what-ifs and worries and bullying.

My mind was raced and jumped and bullied and hurt.

I watched groups of friends, scattered on tables, joking and studying and chatting and piss-taking and just living living living.

If all my craziness was a sore throat, then Guy was a Strepsil, melting the crap away in my head.

So much is lost when you lose yourself. Not just your pride, or your hope. But worse things, things that affect others. Like your ability to help them when they need you, to notice when they’re hurting. You’re too wrapped up in your own hurt, your own mess. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t want to be selfish, I didn’t want to be a crap sister… and yet I was… because I wasn’t strong enough.

They find something – even if you’re near-perfect, they find something.

Yes, proud of you. Because, despite all you’ve been through, you’re still good and kind. You’re not bitter. Well, you are, but only at yourself. You may feel broken, but you don’t break others.

You’re so obsessed with being normal, but that’s well boring, and you’re extraordinary, Evie. Promise me you’ll stop trying to stop being you.

Even IF I get better now, what’s the point? I’m always a week away from potentially losing it again. On the cliff edge of normal. Then what? Then what do I do? “You remember how far you’ve come, you get the help you need, and you continue fighting.

Do you not think everybody else finds it exhausting too, trying to be them?

Everyone’s on the cliff edge of normal. Everyone finds life an utter nightmare sometimes, and there’s no ‘normal’ way of dealing with it. There is no normal. There’s only what’s normal to you. You’re chasing a ghost.

Your behavior isn’t making you happy. You’re miserable. You’re wasting hours each day living in fear, trying to control everything around you. Trying, ultimately, to control who you are. You’ve got to stop hating yourself.


They’ll know who you are…and if they don’t like it, why would you want to be friends with them anyway?


You can’t control what they think, so why bother worrying?

I believe the world, our gender roles, and the huge inequality we face every day MAKES US crazy.

I felt like “me” for the first time in weeks.

Being labeled with a mental problem changes how you view yourself.

I really think humour is the best gateway drug into feminism.

Enlightenment is a journey – we can’t expect to know it all and get it right the moment we decide to fight for something we believe in.

My book “You Deserve Happiness, We All Do” is now available on Amazon

Everyone has different ways of dealing with depression. I wrote this book to let those who are dealing with similar problems, know that you are not alone.

I hope that at least one or two of the tips in this book will guide you in your journey towards getting back the happiness you deserve.

Reviews from readers of You Deserve Happiness, We All Do.

Light, easy and enjoyable.”


Even to people without depression, it’s really helpful. It also gave me some tips to help me stay motivated everyday.” -Bea

“I like the way that it is written; jotted down the steps of how depression was coped because experience is a concrete advice one can share.” -baewannaread

Great tips on how to deal with depression – ranging from the physical and basic to more emotional and individualized ways to cope. I especially love the recommendation of books and YouTubers as it gives a personal insight to into your personal battle with depression.” -Annie

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Midnight Sun Favorite Lines

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Book Title: Midnight Sun

Author: Trish Cook

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Quotes from Midnight Sun

“I guess if there’s one thing I have in common with Rapunzel, it’s that I’m going to have to keep the faith and keep on fighting until I get my happily ever after. Mine might not be destined to last long as other people’s – but that doesn’t mean it will be any less awesome.”

“He’s a senior now, tall and lanky with gorgeous floppy hair and eyes that could melt an iceberg faster than global warming.”

“I’m the reason he can’t follow his dreams anymore, and we both know it.”

“The cabin fever I have to fight on the daily is in full force at the moment.”

“My voice weaves through the music and I get totally lost in the moment. For the time being, it doesn’t matter that I’m singing to myself, that I have this rotten disease, and that I’m not at a wild and crazy graduation party like I should be right now.”

“When I look up at the frets of my guitar, it’s like the apocalypse has happened, because life will never be the same again. Charlie Freaking Reed is standing right in front of me. Watching me like he’s actually interested. Listening to a song that’s pretty much about him, if I’m being honest.”

“Hi,” he says, laughing at my overreaction. That’s it. hi. Yeah, maybe not the most original line.

“I’ll talk to Charlie Reed some other time, when my brain isn’t a scrambled, panicked mess.”

“Finally get the chance to hang out with the most amazing boy you’ve been drooling over for the past ten years? Refuse to speak to him. Smooth move!”


Am I Normal Yet? by Holly Bourne Quotes

The Summer I Turned Pretty by Jenny Han Quotes

“His eyes stare into mine until I’m pretty sure I’m no longer a solid mass. I turn into some sort of a puddle person who will need to be mopped up later.”

“Should I just give up on the idea of love, specifically with this boy? Or make a grand gesture to get his attention and hope he’s cool with my genetic malfunction?”

“Everyone has their shit sandwich. The only difference is some people aren’t willing to talk about it. Believe me when I tell you everyone comes into a relationship with baggage, and I mean everyone.”

“You’re putting the cart before the horse here. You’re already assuming this guy – who you’ve said appears to be full of great qualities – would surely reject you because of a circumstance beyond your control.”

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“I’m going to leave you with this thought. Actually, it’s a challenge. Do not let this one aspect of your life – which doesn’t define you, might I add – stop you from chasing your wildest dreams. Try putting a little more faith in yourself and your fellow humans, and our infinite capacity to love and forgive each other in spite of our shortcomings.”

“As for this boy, I say go for it. In fact, go for everything you want in this life. I hope you get everything you dream of and more. “

More Reading:

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins Quotes

Matched by Allie Condie Quotes

“He’s pretty much the perfect guy … which is why he doesn’t need me and my problems in his life, I quickly conclude.”

“This is what Taylor Swift does! She has awkward interactions with boys and then writes amazing songs about them.”

“I’m a prisoner of my genetic code, which sucks totally and completely.”

“I’m rewarded with the biggest, most welcoming smile I’ve ever seen. He’s got these perfect lips – not too pillowy, not too thin – that look like they’ve never been chapped a day in their life.”

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“I like that you handwrite things,” he adds softly. “It’s old-school. It’s cool.” And just like that, I’m, like, totally in love with him again. I can’t help it. My major crush is no match for my minor anger.

I get only two steps up the hill when Charlie says maybe the ten greatest words in the English language. “Hey, Katie. Would you maybe want to do something sometime?”

“I worry about how I’ll explain my extenuating circumstances to Charlie, and if my dad would even agree to let me go out with him, and whether I could keep my rambling to a minimum even if he did. But then I realize, this is Charlie Reed. Dream Boy. I have to try. For Morgan and Dear Gabby, but especially for me.”


A Series of Unfortunate Events: Slippery Slope by Lemony Snicket Quotes

“I describe the way the moon danced between us as we walked home, how he asked me on a date, and how his name and number were already in my notebook, so it must have been premeditated, not just like a whim or, worse, a mistake.”

“Tonight? I’m so not prepared for this. I need some time to find just the right outfit, maybe get a haircut, and, I don’t know, buy some makeup and figure out how to apply it since I don’t usually go anywhere that would require a fancy face and have zero clue where to start.”

“My voice cracks and I have to pinch myself so I don’t start crying. I normally work very hard at not feeling sorry for myself and being grateful for what I have, but now that I’ve gotten the teensiest, tiniest taste of “normal,” it’s like there’s no turning back. I need more than just the four walls of my bedroom and my guitar to be happy. I need an actual life.”

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“We’re totally locked into each other. Nothing else seems to matter. Everyone else ceases to exist.”

“Shyness washes over me like a tsunami.”

“I lean into him slightly. I love how warm but unyielding he feels. Soft yet strong. It’s a nice combination.”

“The nice thing about a small town is that you can get anywhere you want to go fairly quickly even if you are on foot: the train station, the ice cream shop where Morgan and Garver work, school, and in this case, the marina.”

More Reading:

The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom Quotes

“Swimming was, like, my whole life. I’m still trying to figure out who I am without it. So to waste my parents’ money when I don’t even know what I want to major in seemed pretty selfish.”

“I hope I haven’t scared him away, that he doesn’t think I too damaged to get involved with.”

“That’s nice,” I murmur. “Having someone believe in you that much. Especially someone outside your family.”

For now though, I think I’m happy to revel in the unrealistic “someday.”

“I lean my forehead against his chest. I can hear his heartbeat, clear and strong. It sounds like home.”

“I completely and totally trust Charlie. I know I can from the way he remembered my dad was a light sleeper and stopped a block before my house when dropping me off. The way he ushered me through the party last night and didn’t leave my side when he realized I was uncomfortable not knowing anyone. The way he made sure I didn’t have to drink the beer in any of the games we played, and the way he looked at me before – and after – he kissed me.”

“A big lump forms in my throat. I will not feel sorry for myself, not tonight, not when everything is going so well.”

“I remember too late Morgan’s telling me to avoid spouting all my nerdy knowledge around Charlie. But I can’t help it. I love facts and science and nature and the stars and skies and infinity and beyond. I love it all. I want to know it all.”

“I don’t know everything. Not by a long shot,” I say, digging into the cookie dough ice cream. “Not yet, at least. Though I’d like to. It’s an unachievable goal, but I still think it’s a good one.”

“From where I’m standing now, it’s like I can’t see two feet into my future.”

“What do you mean, your best days are behind you? Your life is just starting. It can be whatever you decide to make it.”

“We talk, we laugh, we kiss. A lot. He drops me off, but not before asking me out for the next night. I always tell him I’m free only in the evening, a response he accepts, no questions asked. It’s an idyllic existence, one I never thought I’d get the chance to experience. I think this is how my parents must have felt when they first met: young, free, and incredibly happy.”

“Everything about “us” just feels so right. The way we talk about everything or nothing at all and it’s never awkward. The way our hands fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. How we never seem to get annoyed or sick of each other.”

“He’s smart and sweet and thoughtful and hardworking and all sorts of other good things.”

“Dad! Listen to me. I’m not a child anymore. I can make my own decisions. I’m sorry that tonight I chose to stay out later than you were comfortable with, but I’m fine. No, I’m more than fine. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. Can’t you see that?”

“I need to get out and really live.”

“Might as well rip his Band-Aid off now – as quickly as possible – and just deal with whatever happens as a result. Reality is reality; I can’t change what is.”

“I have to make a mark on this world before I’m forced to leave it. I have to make my time here matter somehow.”

“We learned how to miss her without being swallowed by the grief.”

“I’m going to grab every last little bit of everything this world has to offer. I will not be a prisoner of my disease a day longer.”

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And I have a will of steel.”

“Tonight helped me see exactly what I want out of life: my independence. To make my own decisions, my own mistakes, my own way in this big awesome world. I got this.”

“Do everything you can right now and then decide. Because now is all that matters.”

“Look how I thanked him for his sacrifices. I want to cry but it’s like I have no tears left in me at this point.”

“No one should have to be alone. Everyone should have someone special. That’s basically the key to happiness, as I found out with Charlie.”

“How does he do that? Take an awkward moment and make it feel… not as awkward. Still, his ease doesn’t make me feel any less uneasy. It’s like the first time we met all over again.”

“You can either have spent the last few weeks changing my life and becoming my favorite person only to leave me standing on your lawn like a chump, or we can keep making this the best summer of our lives.”

“I realize that even in the worst of times there’s always a way of hope. Charlie is mine.”

“There are a few people, or moments, in a person’s life that change our story.”

“I just try to feel grateful for the experience, like Mr. Reed said we should. The anxiety that seems to be with me every waking moment lately fades into the background. It’s just a little hum instead of a large shriek.”

“I giggle. Leave it to Charlie to make me laugh at a time like this. To not judge me, but simply to love all that I do and am.”

“Are you having fun right now?” I nod. “Then now is all that matters.”

“There’s no way I can articulate what you’ve meant to me since that moment we first saw each other. Or the joy you brought me since I first saw you outside my window. You gave me the world. You taught me to live.”

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You Deserve Happiness, We All Do

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Everyone has different ways of dealing with depression. I wrote this book to let those who are dealing with similar problems, know that you are not alone.

People around you who have not gone through what you’re going through may not understand, as is usually the case with depression, but I want you to know that I understand.

I have brought back happiness into my life, though with occasional low of lows, but it has become more tolerable and I have become more in control of my life.

I want you to know that I believe in you.

These are what I do to deal with depression. I hope that at least one or two of the tips in this book will guide you in your journey towards getting back the happiness you deserve.

Now Available on:



Here are reviews from readers of You Deserve Happiness, We All Do.

Light, easy and enjoyable.”


Even to people without depression, it’s really helpful. It also gave me some tips to help me stay motivated everyday.” -Bea

I like the way that it is written; jotted down the steps of how depression was coped because experience is a concrete advice one can share.” -Baewannaread

Great tips on how to deal with depression – ranging from the physical and basic to more emotional and individualized ways to cope. I especially love the recommendation of books and YouTubers as it gives a personal insight to into your personal battle with depression.” -Annie

Love the writing style and enjoyed reading it. Light but not so sad way. The tips are something I can do when feeling down and they are easy to do as well.” -FanFiction

“It started off with a message from the author herself which was very heartwarming because it really showed that it was her intention and passion to help those who experienced, and experiences still, what she had gone through before. It ended with a poem which I really liked because not all authors end their book in a very soothing and heartwarming way.” -Aelintiya

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Chess Quotes

I’ve been playing chess again after years of being inactive and attacking and capturing pieces has never felt so thrilling. For me, I think that the way I play chess reflects how I live my life.

In today’s blogpost, I would like to share my favorite chess quotes.

“In life, as in chess, forethought wins.” – Charles Buxton

“Chess is the gymnasium of the mind.” – Blaise Pascal

“Play the opening like a book, the middlegame like a magician, and the endgame like a machine.” – Rudolph Spielmann

“I am convinced, the way one plays chess always reflects the player’s personality. If something defines his character, then it will also define his way of playing.” – Vladimir Kramnik

“The game of chess is not merely an idle amusement. Several very valuable qualities of the mind, useful in the course of human life, are to be acquired or strengthened by it… Life is a kind of Chess, in which we have often points to gain, and competitors or adversaries to contend with.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Avoid the crowd. Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.” – Ralph Charell

Read More: 10 Golden Rules of Chess Opening

“As proved by evidence, [chess is] more lasting in its being and presence than all books and achievements; the only game that belongs to all people and all ages; of which none knows the divinity that bestowed it on the world, to slay boredom, to sharpen the senses, to exhilarate the spirit.” – Stefan Zweig

“Chess makes men wiser and clear-sighted.” – Vladimir Putin

“Chess doesn’t drive people mad, it keeps mad people sane.” – Bill Hartston

“In life, as in chess, one’s own pawns block one’s way.  A man’s very wealthy, ease, leisure, children, books, which should help him to win, more often checkmate him.” – Charles Buxton

“Chess is life in miniature. Chess is a struggle, chess battles.” – Garry Kasparov

“I used to attack because it was the only thing I knew. Now I attack because I know it works best.” -Garry Kasparov

“After a bad opening, there is hope for the middle game. After a bad middle game, there is hope for the endgame. But once you are in the endgame, the moment of truth has arrived.” – Edmar Mednis

Read More: Funny and Relatable Chess Memes

“Tactics is knowing what to do when there is something to do; strategy is knowing what to do when there is nothing to do.” – Savielly Tartakower

“You may learn much more from a game you lose than from a game you win. You will have to lose hundreds of games before becoming a good player.” – José Raúl Capablanca

Which chess quote is your favorite? Do you have other chess quotes not mentioned here? Let me know in the comment section below!


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2nd day of #hbreadathon 🤗❤️ Today's read is Kimi No Suizou Wo Tabetai by Yoru Sumino literally translated as I Want to Eat Your Pancreas which sounds gross (I know) but don't worry, no one is eating anyone's internal organs. Haha 😂 . . A friend actually told me that it's not worth the read but I went for it anyway. The story sounds interesting, it reminds me of The Fault In Our Stars. . . 今日は#hbreadathon に参加して、二日目です。😊📚 今読んでいる本は、住野よるの君の膵臓を食べたい。日本語を読むのが遅いけれど、頑張っています。🌈 . . 友達はこの本を読んで、あまり面白くなかったと言っていましたが、私は読んでみて面白いと思っています。人の好みはそれぞれだからね。😘📖💕 . . #hbreadathon #readathon #readingchallenge #japanesenovel #iwanttoeatyourpancreas #yorusumino #bookphotography #bibliophile #bookstagram #bookstagrammer #bookstagramph #bookstagramjp #君の膵臓をたべたい #住野よる #読書 #本 #愛読 #愛読書 #lifeatbookstagram

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君にとって、生きるっていうのは、どういうこと? 「きっと誰かと心を通わせること。その物を指して、生きるって呼ぶんだよ。」












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